I’m making a film about my life. Wes Anderson is going to direct it. I’m going to be played by Jason Schwartzman and my best friend will be played by Owen Wilson. My distant older brother will be played by Bill Murray.

I’m going to tell Wes that this is the song I’d like played as I do some slow motion walking, maybe whilst lighting a cigarette, with my best friends walking behind me. I might be wearing some kind of suit - or a nice red blazer or something.

Alternatively, it might make a good end credits kind of song. I dunno. I got to go phone Wes now, see what he thinks.

Later, you guys.


A typewriter and a violin

Can You Believe This Shi’?


Here’s a message I’ve just sent:

Dear Ollie

I hope you read this before it’s too late!

Where the flip is your flippin’ blog?

Without it you are missing 40 marks (ed: yep, 40! over a flippin’ third) from your coursework

And the marks are being sent to the board TOMORROW

As you can expect, I’m angry

If you get this today, phone me.

0779*******

Otherwise I’ll speak to you (shout at you) tomorrow.

Lh

So if you see/hear/have this guy’s number, let him know this is sittin’ in his youtube email and he better go check it and ring me - or else!

What I Learnt From ChatRoulette


1. The world is full of men who want to show strangers their ding-a-ling

2. Brushing your teeth makes people happy

3. Displaying images of the back of Tony Adams’ head can get you banned

4. Appearance is everything!

5. Masks are cool

6. There are cool people in the world who are fun to talk to and you can make friends, but it takes a long time

Death of an iPod


Plugged iPod into computer:

“iPod not recognised”

Unplugged iPod without uploading “We Got to Fight for this Love”

Went to the artists menu

Blank screen

Went to songs menu

Blank screen

Went to albums menu

Blank screen

Went to playlists menu

Only on-the-go

In on-the-go, 3 songs - the only songs left on my iPod

Had to restore

Tabula Rasa


Ska Wars - Capdown

A blast from the past - what the hell happened to these guys and “ska-core”?

And the Oscar for My Favourite Film OF ALL TIME goes to...


Alright, so i’m confused already - say I just want to repost this little tiny bit here:

“On that note: What’s your favourite film of all time!? OF ALL TIME?! (Mine’s Taxi Driver, wooo)”

Sod it - I’ll just cut n’ paste…

Now that is a toughy. Favourite film OF ALL TIME. That’s the big question right there. I have a stock answer: Fight Club.

Why? Fight Club has it all. Violence, nihilism, some Brad Pitt/Edward Norton homo-eroticism, Meat Loaf with tits, Jared Leto getting his face kicked in, a great plot twist, amazing visual effects, a fantastically quotable script based on a bitchin’ book AND a huge subliminal cock slipped in right at the end (woah, that sounds wrong!). All this and more: you can watch it again and again and enjoy the craft a little more each time, instead of worrying that you already know the way it ends. So yeah, Fight Club.

But it’s tough because Fight Club ticks a lot of boxes, but it kind of lacks subtlety - It’s a bit like being hit with a brick (which you might argue is kind of the point) - and I tend to think a good film should be a little bit like being knifed in the stomach during a tender affectionate hug (i.e. you don’t expect it and you don’t feel the blade slip in until the damage is done, at which point you’re struck with a searing hot pain and the sight of your own guts). So what fits that criteria? Yeah, you may well ask…

For sheer emotional punch, Festen, a Dogme film by Thomas Vinterberg might be the one. It builds slowly and surely, and each time a new event pushes the storyline forward you become more and more enchanted. It’s gritty, with well-drawn characters and a twisting, turning plot which is completely unpredictable… Mostly improvised, completely insane and more than a little shocking. Seriously worth a watch, especially if you have any interest in Noah Baumbach’s films about dysfunctional families (The Squid and the Whale and Margot at the Wedding). Forget Baumbach’s affected New York hipster cool, this is the real deal, and Baumbach, a writer, director, actor and a sometime Wes Anderson collaborator, seems to owe a great deal to Dogme and Festen in particular, both in terms of style and subject matter.

On the subject of dysfunctional families, maybe Little Miss Sunshine could be my favourite film OF ALL TIME. It has some depth to it and a good universal appeal, as well as enough edge to add a smidgeon of cool. Again, well written, beautifully played and with an amazing depth to each and every character. Greg Kinnear, the flippin’ fantastic Alan Arkin (who has been in more than you realise - Catch 22 and Edward Scissorhands amongst his achievements), Toni Colette, Steve Carell, Abigail Breslin and Paul Dano paint their characters with a fine brush, and for some members of the cast (Dano and Carell in particular) this is, in my opinion, the pinnacle of their careers. Its one downfall is the tinge of American cheese in the story - the little girl didn’t win the pageant, but she brought her family together… puke-tastic, but cute and forgiveable none the less. It’s worth bearing in mind that whilst there is a cutesy side to this film, nobody really gets what they want at the end of the film and everything isn’t alright - marriages are on the rocks, careers are over, dreams are shattered - and this is unusual for an American film, because even indies can tend to drift into sentimental schmaltz (see Garden State for a particularly grotesque example of how American indie can go hideously wrong). I’ve seen this film a few times, and it manages to tug at the heart strings each time - in a really good way.

But I think that’s enough now. This question is too big for an easy and quick blog-tastic answer. Every time I’ve considered it, I’ve come up with a new film… I’ll just have to leave it here.

Love to your mothers.

Every Good Boy Deserves Feminism


Well, it’s been a little while, but you know how these things go, right?

First up, massive props to the Y13 drama students. I was seriously impressed with the quality of the production and the obvious amount of work that had gone into the whole thing - y’all deserve this half term break, yo… Although, when I think of it, Dorsa kept splashing me and Miss Taylor, who kept complaining about how wet she was (which I thought was a little inappropriate), which made me more than a little uncomfortable. So there’s your audience feedback - well done guys (Dorsa), you made me feel uncomfortable. You made up for it with the “samosa” story though, so all is forgiven…

So hey-ho, after the Y13 drama on Thursday, I was all fired up for the National Theatre on Friday - we went to see Every Good Boy Deserves Favour. Written by Tom Stoppard and featuring a full orchestra on stage, this is the best thing I’ve seen at the National for ages. It’s the story of a Russian man, sent to a mental asylum for slandering the state. The guy he ends up sharing a cell with has an orchestra in his head - an orchestra which the audience see, as well as hear.

The play is quite typical Stoppard: sparkling fast witty dialogue, a historical interest and a few maths/science references thrown in for good measure. It’s nice and short, weighing in at just over an hour, and with the orchestra and the dancing it’s well balanced entertainment - none of this “theatre of the absurd” here!

So two days of dystopia to take me into the weekend. And then last night, Apocalypto! Despite my misgivings about Mel Gibson, this is one amazing film. It feels like a really bad trip. It just looks absolutely amazing. I didn’t mean to watch it but I just got sucked in about halfway through. This was certainly the most disturbing of my dystopic viewing recently - it’s all in Mayan, and is about this guy who gets taken captive and marched off to the Mayan capital (or something) to be given as a gift to the gods. There are some really graphic, brutal scenes in it, and the hair and make-up department certainly deserve major credit and recognition. The film has a real threatening atmosphere to it, and the scene where the captives are taken to the city is - in a strange, intimidating way - very beautiful indeed. The vivid contrasting colour and the intense disorientating sound are wonderfully jarring and the images are suitably apocalyptic - a young boy working in some sort of open mine where all the workers are covered in fine white dust pukes deep red blood over his body, a toothless wrinkled old man with laughing sickness claws and clasps at the prisoners… seriously, it will disturb you.


Sufjan Stevens - The Henney Buggy Band

If you don’t know, now you know…