Big Man's Media Shape Up

I’m making a film about my life. Wes Anderson is going to...

Tue, 20 Jul 2010 17:29:16 +0100

I’m making a film about my life. Wes Anderson is going to direct it. I’m going to be played by Jason Schwartzman and my best friend will be played by Owen Wilson. My distant older brother will be played by Bill Murray.

I’m going to tell Wes that this is the song I’d like played as I do some slow motion walking, maybe whilst lighting a cigarette, with my best friends walking behind me. I might be wearing some kind of suit - or a nice red blazer or something.

Alternatively, it might make a good end credits kind of song. I dunno. I got to go phone Wes now, see what he thinks.

Later, you guys.

Audio

Sun, 11 Jul 2010 12:23:37 +0100

A typewriter and a violin

Fri, 28 May 2010 20:23:21 +0100

A typewriter and a violin

Can You Believe This Shi'?

Sun, 09 May 2010 12:47:43 +0100

Here’s a message I’ve just sent:

Dear Ollie

I hope you read this before it’s too late!

Where the flip is your flippin’ blog?

Without it you are missing 40 marks (ed: yep, 40! over a flippin’ third) from your coursework

And the marks are being sent to the board TOMORROW

As you can expect, I’m angry

If you get this today, phone me.

0779*******

Otherwise I’ll speak to you (shout at you) tomorrow.

Lh

So if you see/hear/have this guy’s number, let him know this is sittin’ in his youtube email and he better go check it and ring me - or else!

What I Learnt From ChatRoulette

Sat, 13 Mar 2010 12:25:00 +0000

1. The world is full of men who want to show strangers their ding-a-ling

2. Brushing your teeth makes people happy

3. Displaying images of the back of Tony Adams’ head can get you banned

4. Appearance is everything!

5. Masks are cool

6. There are cool people in the world who are fun to talk to and you can make friends, but it takes a long time

Death of an iPod

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 06:52:38 +0000

Plugged iPod into computer:

“iPod not recognised”

Unplugged iPod without uploading “We Got to Fight for this Love”

Went to the artists menu

Blank screen

Went to songs menu

Blank screen

Went to albums menu

Blank screen

Went to playlists menu

Only on-the-go

In on-the-go, 3 songs - the only songs left on my iPod

Had to restore

Tabula Rasa

Ska Wars - Capdown A blast from the past - what the hell...

Sun, 28 Feb 2010 22:16:31 +0000

Ska Wars - Capdown

A blast from the past - what the hell happened to these guys and “ska-core”?

And the Oscar for My Favourite Film OF ALL TIME goes to...

Sun, 28 Feb 2010 22:10:00 +0000

And the Oscar for My Favourite Film OF ALL TIME goes to...:

Alright, so i’m confused already - say I just want to repost this little tiny bit here:

“On that note: What’s your favourite film of all time!? OF ALL TIME?! (Mine’s Taxi Driver, wooo)”

Sod it - I’ll just cut n’ paste…

Now that is a toughy. Favourite film OF ALL TIME. That’s the big question right there. I have a stock answer: Fight Club.

Why? Fight Club has it all. Violence, nihilism, some Brad Pitt/Edward Norton homo-eroticism, Meat Loaf with tits, Jared Leto getting his face kicked in, a great plot twist, amazing visual effects, a fantastically quotable script based on a bitchin’ book AND a huge subliminal cock slipped in right at the end (woah, that sounds wrong!). All this and more: you can watch it again and again and enjoy the craft a little more each time, instead of worrying that you already know the way it ends. So yeah, Fight Club.

But it’s tough because Fight Club ticks a lot of boxes, but it kind of lacks subtlety - It’s a bit like being hit with a brick (which you might argue is kind of the point) - and I tend to think a good film should be a little bit like being knifed in the stomach during a tender affectionate hug (i.e. you don’t expect it and you don’t feel the blade slip in until the damage is done, at which point you’re struck with a searing hot pain and the sight of your own guts). So what fits that criteria? Yeah, you may well ask…

For sheer emotional punch, Festen, a Dogme film by Thomas Vinterberg might be the one. It builds slowly and surely, and each time a new event pushes the storyline forward you become more and more enchanted. It’s gritty, with well-drawn characters and a twisting, turning plot which is completely unpredictable… Mostly improvised, completely insane and more than a little shocking. Seriously worth a watch, especially if you have any interest in Noah Baumbach’s films about dysfunctional families (The Squid and the Whale and Margot at the Wedding). Forget Baumbach’s affected New York hipster cool, this is the real deal, and Baumbach, a writer, director, actor and a sometime Wes Anderson collaborator, seems to owe a great deal to Dogme and Festen in particular, both in terms of style and subject matter.

On the subject of dysfunctional families, maybe Little Miss Sunshine could be my favourite film OF ALL TIME. It has some depth to it and a good universal appeal, as well as enough edge to add a smidgeon of cool. Again, well written, beautifully played and with an amazing depth to each and every character. Greg Kinnear, the flippin’ fantastic Alan Arkin (who has been in more than you realise - Catch 22 and Edward Scissorhands amongst his achievements), Toni Colette, Steve Carell, Abigail Breslin and Paul Dano paint their characters with a fine brush, and for some members of the cast (Dano and Carell in particular) this is, in my opinion, the pinnacle of their careers. Its one downfall is the tinge of American cheese in the story - the little girl didn’t win the pageant, but she brought her family together… puke-tastic, but cute and forgiveable none the less. It’s worth bearing in mind that whilst there is a cutesy side to this film, nobody really gets what they want at the end of the film and everything isn’t alright - marriages are on the rocks, careers are over, dreams are shattered - and this is unusual for an American film, because even indies can tend to drift into sentimental schmaltz (see Garden State for a particularly grotesque example of how American indie can go hideously wrong). I’ve seen this film a few times, and it manages to tug at the heart strings each time - in a really good way.

But I think that’s enough now. This question is too big for an easy and quick blog-tastic answer. Every time I’ve considered it, I’ve come up with a new film… I’ll just have to leave it here.

Love to your mothers.

Every Good Boy Deserves Feminism

Mon, 15 Feb 2010 11:46:01 +0000

Well, it’s been a little while, but you know how these things go, right?

First up, massive props to the Y13 drama students. I was seriously impressed with the quality of the production and the obvious amount of work that had gone into the whole thing - y’all deserve this half term break, yo… Although, when I think of it, Dorsa kept splashing me and Miss Taylor, who kept complaining about how wet she was (which I thought was a little inappropriate), which made me more than a little uncomfortable. So there’s your audience feedback - well done guys (Dorsa), you made me feel uncomfortable. You made up for it with the “samosa” story though, so all is forgiven…

So hey-ho, after the Y13 drama on Thursday, I was all fired up for the National Theatre on Friday - we went to see Every Good Boy Deserves Favour. Written by Tom Stoppard and featuring a full orchestra on stage, this is the best thing I’ve seen at the National for ages. It’s the story of a Russian man, sent to a mental asylum for slandering the state. The guy he ends up sharing a cell with has an orchestra in his head - an orchestra which the audience see, as well as hear.

The play is quite typical Stoppard: sparkling fast witty dialogue, a historical interest and a few maths/science references thrown in for good measure. It’s nice and short, weighing in at just over an hour, and with the orchestra and the dancing it’s well balanced entertainment - none of this “theatre of the absurd” here!

So two days of dystopia to take me into the weekend. And then last night, Apocalypto! Despite my misgivings about Mel Gibson, this is one amazing film. It feels like a really bad trip. It just looks absolutely amazing. I didn’t mean to watch it but I just got sucked in about halfway through. This was certainly the most disturbing of my dystopic viewing recently - it’s all in Mayan, and is about this guy who gets taken captive and marched off to the Mayan capital (or something) to be given as a gift to the gods. There are some really graphic, brutal scenes in it, and the hair and make-up department certainly deserve major credit and recognition. The film has a real threatening atmosphere to it, and the scene where the captives are taken to the city is - in a strange, intimidating way - very beautiful indeed. The vivid contrasting colour and the intense disorientating sound are wonderfully jarring and the images are suitably apocalyptic - a young boy working in some sort of open mine where all the workers are covered in fine white dust pukes deep red blood over his body, a toothless wrinkled old man with laughing sickness claws and clasps at the prisoners… seriously, it will disturb you.

Sufjan Stevens - The Henney Buggy Band If you don’t know,...

Mon, 15 Feb 2010 11:25:58 +0000

Sufjan Stevens - The Henney Buggy Band

If you don’t know, now you know…

Audio

Wed, 10 Feb 2010 22:29:13 +0000

Howard “Heart Throb” Bamboo - all round good guy and...

Wed, 10 Feb 2010 22:24:40 +0000

Howard “Heart Throb” Bamboo - all round good guy and Accafellas star

Invictus - Inspirational Speeches and Slow-motion Bum Grabbing

Wed, 10 Feb 2010 18:44:18 +0000

inthenameofscout:

mediashapeup:

To wrap up, this ain’t one for those of us fond of beautifully shot cinema, well crafted scripts and thought provoking ideas, but if you like inspirational speeches and grown men grunting like farmyard animals and touching each others’ behinds in slo-mo, this is for you. Enjoy!

Yeah, DEFINITELY NOT SEEING THAT. Hahaha, that was such a good review! And Matt Damon was good in The Departed, eh eh (I didn’t like the Bournes, either). Clint’s ‘Gran Torino’ was great, though! I give him props for that! I may see it, just for laughs! I can’t stand inspirational speeches (except ones like Tyler Durden’s sort-of-speeches in Fight Club).

Sickness! This review alone was probably far better than the film! Hahaaa.

Phew! So Invictus wasn’t a complete waste of two hours of my life… felt like it though.

Invictus - Inspirational Speeches and Slow-motion Bum Grabbing

Tue, 09 Feb 2010 22:29:40 +0000

Is it a modern obsession that we see reality framed by the camera? Big documentaries in the cinema and reality on TV…

So how comes Clint makes this steaming pile of cliché, instead of cashing in on the zeitgeist and making a good documentary, such as the material is clearly begging for? Seems to me this is a case of art imitating life very badly. Take an inspirational story with a cast of interesting characters and boil it down into a sickening sticky sugary mixture of all the tacky sports films you’ve ever seen. Let’s see:

1) Underdogs as heroes? Check!

2) Huge climatic nail-biting tie-break finale? Check

3) Ridiculously obvious soundtrack? Double-check on this one - look out for the god-awful song when Mandela takes a helicopter ride to see the ‘Boks in training, as well as the other heart-string tugging emotional liberally peppered throughout the film.

4) Slow-motion sports scenes? Check! (There is one particularly excellent shot of a scrum where a hand reaches out and gropes an ass, all in glorious slow-motion, accompanied with a soundtrack of slowed-down animalistic grunts)

I guess this is a strong enough story - it holds the viewers interest (despite a little bit of deus ex machina - you’re not seriously telling me that one day of running around with poor lil’ black chillun from the townships convinces a whole nation to start watching rugby?) and it seems indisputable that Morgan Freeman is a good actor, and Nelson Mandela was a great leader, and the one as the other works well for the most part, despite the slight edge of American that Freeman just can’t seem to shake. As well as this flaw, Mandela is portrayed as a man without flaw, a veritable superman who came through adversity spotless, making him feel slightly less than human in the process.

But Matt ‘Beefy’ Damon as François Pienaar? Tigger, please! I mean, I’m not a Damon fan in the first place - Bourne just ain’t my thing. Beyond that, he really annoys me in all those stupid self-satisfied Kevin Smith films, but at least he glimmers with a tiny smidge of sardonic wit in them, whilst here he is painfully earnest. Not only that, he feels flat (despite his bulging muscles) and his inspirational speeches lack luster, and if I was being positive I would say this is the result of being placed so closely to Freeman’s Mandela and the lousy writing doesn’t do his character justice, but if I was being honest I would say it’s perhaps because Damon is a load of shite (give or take The Talented Mr Ripley).

There is some (intentional) light comic relief, which works quite well - the presidential bodyguards producing most of it. I actually laughed out loud a couple of times, although I seemed to be the only one in the stuffy Curzon Mayfair who did… Last time I go there!

Lastly, I’d like to just rail for a bit against the obvious visual metaphors and the romantically perfect ending. Let’s be honest here: yes, apartheid was abolished, Mandela came to power and a healing process was started, but are you seriously suggesting that the 95 Rugby World Cup was the end of the story? Surely it took a little longer for such a great rift to be healed? But here we see the little black street kid listening to the final with a pair of Afrikaner police men, and on the final whistle being hoisted onto their shoulders in a touching and cathartic display of solidarity (I’ll just puke in this bucket before I continue with this review - hold on - *pukes* - right, I’m better now…). C’mon Clint, get your shit together - We want some realism, or at least some fucking subtlety! And how come François’s slightly racist family became tolerant overnight? I just ain’t buying it.

To wrap up, this ain’t one for those of us fond of beautifully shot cinema, well crafted scripts and thought provoking ideas, but if you like inspirational speeches and grown men grunting like farmyard animals and touching each others’ behinds in slo-mo, this is for you. Enjoy!

Cassette Boy - Dun No!

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 14:08:00 +0000

Cassette Boy - Dun No!

inthenameofscout: A PROPHET. SAW IT AT THE CINEMA...

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 10:41:00 +0000

inthenameofscout:

A PROPHET. SAW IT AT THE CINEMA YESTERDAY.

SECOND FAVOURITE FILM OF ALL TIME.

SO.

SO. SO GOOD.

Amen. And that kid, Tahar Rahim? g’damn he’s good…

Audiard kicks ass - The Beat that my Heart Skipped is also good.

I really truly believe this song is called “Canopies and...

Fri, 05 Feb 2010 18:18:55 +0000

I really truly believe this song is called “Canopies and Drapes” but wtf do I know, right?

Changin’ demographic, yo. WTF happened to “We hate...

Fri, 05 Feb 2010 18:14:00 +0000

Changin’ demographic, yo.

WTF happened to “We hate your (expletive removed) guts, man. we’re going to (expletive removed) your car up. (expletive removed) you, you (expletive removed)!”?

(note: apostrophes and standard English are teacher’s own)

Not that I have a car - or teach in south central. But hey, c’mon kids, let’s have some edge huh?

Music Video Galore...

Tue, 02 Feb 2010 15:15:20 +0000

Music Video Galore...

One Frame of Fame

Tue, 02 Feb 2010 12:59:00 +0000

One Frame of Fame:

Song = pants? Video = fun?